Did you already hear today’s SHOCKING golf-related news? If not, I hope you sit down, because this news is absolutely going to knock you straight into the 1950s. Augusta National Golf Club — a club where people play golf, and the place that hosts the Masters — has decided to admit women.
YOU GUYS. I know you all just fainted from the sheer, stupefying shock that is this breaking and vital news, but I need you to stick with me for a little bit longer.
This is truly thrilling news, if you are the kind of person who gets excited about a golf club deciding that two women (Condoleeza Rice and Darla Moore) get to become members in the year 2012. Augusta National opened in 1932 and didn’t have a single black member until 1990, so we should really all celebrate the fact that it only took them 58 years to admit black people and 80 years to admit lady people. We should focus solely on the part where they finally decided that yes, women could also be members of their stupid club, and we should ignore the part where it took them 80 years to get to that decision, because today is a day for celebration. You’ve come a long way, two women who have been deemed worthy of inclusion in this absurd, antiquated organization.