Nikki Finke — founder, editor-in-chief, CEO and head chef over at Deadline — fancies herself quite the snarky blogger. We know this because she live-blogs awards shows, but she calls it “live-snarking,” because she is just that sharp and acid-tongued. And I suppose that’s also because she is bad at live-blogging things, because instead of discussing the event she is supposed to be discussing, she just rambles incoherently.
The 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards by the Academy Of Television Arts & Sciences began from the Nokia Theatre in Downtown LA at 5 PM PT today… Come for the cynicism… Stay for the subversion… Add your comment… Check out all our coverage…
Warning: Not for the easily offended or ridiculously naive.
Wow! “Stay for the subversion”? I can’t wait to see what subversion she has up her sleeve. Is she going to offer new behind-the-scenes information on big stars and hit shows? Is she going to provide incisive, cutting analysis that undercuts the speeches given on stage? Or is she just going to complain about various people and say stupid, ill-informed things? Oh wait, it’s “not for the easily offended or ridiculously naive,” nevermind. It has to be good after that warning.
The problem with this year’s Emmys from the get-go is that they don’t have any snarky categories.
Wait, what? No, that’s not the problem. That is never, ever the problem. Who wants award shows to have “snarky categories”? Has anyone ever, in the history of awards shows, complained that said shows would be perfect if they just added “snarky categories”? I’m beginning to wonder if Nikki Finke knows the meaning of the word “snarky.
I know what you’re thinking: “Whaaat? The show already is too effing long!” Now reconsider if ’TV Boobs That Jumped The Shark’ were honored. (Sofia Vergara’s.)
OH, NEVERMIND, I didn’t realize that by “snarky categories” she meant “complete and utter nonsense phrases combining the words ‘boobs,’ ‘jumped the shark’ and ‘Sofia Vergara.’” Good job, Nikki! Perfectly constructed joke. It’s a good thing she issued that warning before about subversion, because otherwise I don’t think anyone would have been prepared for her “TV Boobs That Jumped The Shark” joke, which undercut the Emmys so badly that they halted the ceremony midway through to try and retool it with more “snarky categories” for Nikki Finke.
Or ‘Best Sitcom With The Worst Lead Actress’. (My vote is for New Girl because there’s no one in primetime more annoying than Zooey Deschenal. Unless it’s the cast of Girls.)
I hate to agree with Finke, but…she is actually right that “New Girl” is the best sitcom with a bad lead. Unless it’s the cast of “Girls,” which makes less sense, because that show has four main female characters, two or three male characters (it’s unclear how much they will be in future episodes)? So how would such a show qualify for Nikki Finke’s made-up ‘Best Sitcom With The Worst Lead Actress’ Emmy?
Another problem with this year’s Emmys may be Jimmy Kimmel. He’s become a successful late night host primarily because he’s low key. But a low energy Emmy host who doesn’t sing or dance (and, crissakes, I hope he doesn’t start tonight) is just an excuse to watch the Ravens-Patriots on NBC. Besides, no standup comic can compete with NFL replacement referees.
WHOA, CHECK OUT THE TOPICAL JOKE THERE, FINKS.
By the way, Les Moonves once told me he thought Lara Spencer was the worst anchorette on TV. Looking at this shiksa bounce around the Emmys backstage like a pinball machine, I know why Les is TV’s smartest mogul.
“Subversion” means “being unnecessarily cruel to a person for no discernible reason.” Well, I suppose that part actually fits with “live-blogging.”
Uh-oh, here come Kimmel’s political jokes. Romney and Chik-Fil-A bear the brunt of his punchlines. With that, 50% of America just turned off the Emmys muttering “godless libtards”.
Yep, because half of America turns off their televisions every time a joke is aimed at someone or something with whom they align politically.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY: ERIC STONESTREET
Oh crap, I can’t believe how Max Greenfield (“Schmidt”) from New Girl was robbed! He has made his well-written stereotypical character into a real breath of fresh air on primetime. Whereas Stonestreet plays the biggest stereotypical character on Modern Family exactly like a stereotype. Where’s the skill in that?
That…wow, I actually agree with Finke here! Greenfield should have won. Alas.
Meanwhile, who did Jim Parsons piss off that he had to present with Deschanel? It was like an Asperger’s disorder demonstration.
“An Asperger’s disorder demonstration.” Nikki Finke is fearless. Nikki Finke will go after any target, any time.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: JULIE BOWEN
Listen-up, Hollywood: Beautiful actresses are not funny. They don’t know how to do comedy.
Well, if she’s going to be subversive, at least she’s going to make new and interesting points that no one has ever ham-handedly made before. Tell us more about this theory that “beautiful actresses” can’t do comedy, noted connoisseur of comedy Nikki Finke? (Also, Finke went back and added “This should have been a posthumous win for Kathryn Joosten for Desperate Housewives” to the beginning of this segment later on.)
Only women who grew up ugly and stayed ugly, or through plastic surgery became beautiful, can pull off sitcoms or standups.
Is that a fact? Is that an ironclad fact of show business? “Only women who grew up ugly and then had plastic surgery and became beautiful can pull off sitcoms or standups.” I think that’s written on a stone tablet somewhere. I’m not quite sure what that means for funny women who are also good-looking and can pull off sitcom or “standups” (again: “standups”), but I do know Nikki Finke wouldn’t just say something like this without having any proof or evidence.
Bowen isn’t a comedienne just like Brooke Shields wasn’t and a zillion more. Because it’s all about emotional pain and humiliation and rising above both by making people laugh with you instead of at you.
OH, okay, so it’s all about emotional pain and humiliation and making people laugh with you instead of at you. Great. Got it. Nikki Finke’s Theory of Comedy (a.k.a. “Nikki Finke Explains Why Pretty Women Aren’t Funny, Which is Subversive, Because of Toldja”). It’s a good thing there are ZERO comics who have ever found success by making people laugh at them, particularly female comics, and I mean let’s not even consider female comics who are pretty, because otherwise that might poke a hole or two in Finke’s airtight theory.
So stop casting beautiful actresses when you should be giving ugly women a chance. (Tina Fey always points out show looked like a troglodyte when she was younger.) This also applies to handsome men, by the way. Now argue amongst yourselves.
STOP CASTING BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, HOLLYWOOD. Nikki Finke is taking a clear and honorable stand for “giving ugly women a chance,” because of subversion, I guess?
BEST DIRECTOR IN A COMEDY: Steven Levitan
You know what I said above? Well Levitan is the exception.
AMAZING. This is the purest, most perfect distillation of everything that is Nikki Finke: She says something loudly, sternly, imperiously and stupidly, and then she says something that entirely invalidates the first thing, and then she acts like that is totally fine because she’s the one writing the rules and she makes it all up as she goes along. Nikki Finke has never heard of cognitive dissonance, but if she heard about it she would make an awesome Asperger’s joke.
Trust me when I say that sooner rather than later Levitan will be writing and directing and producing for himself as the star of his own sitcom. After all, he once told me he’s seen every peisode of Tina Fey’s 30 Rock.
“He once told me he’s seen every peisode [sic] of Tina Fey’s ’30 Rock,” therefore he will obviously star in his own sitcom one day. I want to live for one day inside Finke’s head. I imagine it’s like the final sequence in “2001: A Space Odyssey,” only with more cats and angry phone calls threatening agents.
BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
The even better news is that, if no one can prove they actually saw an episode ofVeep, then we’ve uncovered one of the juiciest scandals in Emmy history. By the time I actually heard about the show, it was already off the air.
Does Nikki Finke read her own site? Because if so, she probably heard about “Veep” before it aired. If she didn’t, she is a terrible entertainment reporter who can’t even bother to keep up with one of the handful of shows airing on HBO at any given time.
At least this breaks the Seinfeld curse.
Yes, finally! It finally breaks that “Seinfeld” curse that normal people are always talking about in everyday conversations. It certainly didn’t break the curse when Julia Louis-Dreyfus had “The New Adventures of Old Christine” on for five seasons, and it definitely didn’t break the curse when Julia Louis-Dreyfus won this very award six years ago for that show. THIS breaks the curse. Finke says so, because she heard once that Julia Louis-Dreyfus was super ugly as a child, and therefore she is a Real Comedian.
Hey, who let James Van Der Beek out of the Witness Protection Program? Katie Holmes?
James Van Der Beek is on a TV show on ABC. Your site has written about it. Your site has mentioned him. Does Nikki Finke even pay attention to the industry she covers? “Hey, why are there never any movies based on comic books?” -Nikki Finke, keen showbiz observer.
Claire Danes is TV’s younger Meryl Streep and Laura Linney. A true acting goddess. Did you think for one sec she wasn’t the sanest nutcase on Homeland? How did she manage to pull off that duality?
“The sanest nutcase on ‘Homeland’”? Nikki Finke is the poet of our times. It’s weird that she seems particularly drawn to the actress portraying a character with mental issues, the only character who sees the world for what it is while everyone else views her as crazy. It’s just very inexplicable that she would feel such warmth for that character.
How do you know when a TV series is outstanding? It’s when each minute is exquisite torture, so good that you have to change the channel because you want to prolong the sweet agony.
You know a TV show is good when you have to change the channel? That doesn’t make any sense. TV shows are good when you want to watch them, not when they make you want to change the channel.
Oh, now I get it. Stupid me. The comedy is absent because the writers, presenters, and Hollywood audience are all practicing solemnity for Yom Kippur next week.
Nikki Finke thinks these Emmys aren’t funny and her first reaction is to blame the Jews. If only they had gotten some ugly young female comic to write the jokes, the entire show would have been wonderful and filled with jokes where we’re laughing with, not at, the subjects.
I had the misfortune to break the news to Ron Howard that Andy Griffith had died. Just a sad, sad moment.
Way to slip in that awful humblebrag, Finkster. Yes, that was a terrible moment for everyone in this country, particularly for Ron Howard. And I bet I can imagine how this conversation went:
RON HOWARD: Hello?
NIKKI FINKE: Ron, it’s Nikki Finke. I wanted to ask you for a reaction to Andy Griffith’s death?
RON HOWARD: He died?
NIKKI FINKE: TOLDJA!
I just bet Time Warner shareholders wished that 50% of the HBO audience who are conservatives weren’t cancelling the pay channel.
So is this a real statistic? Is HBO’s audience completely evenly split between liberals and conservatives? And, if so, are the conservative viewers actually canceling their HBO service? Or is this just made-up nonsense because oh god now my eyes are bleeding from reading this tripe.
So smart of WME’s Patrick Whitesell and manager JJ Harris to convince Kevin to be Kevin again. Costner in an American Western? We’re there. Of course Costner is stubborn as a mule and resisted the small screen for decades without an ass whipping by film critics. But he belongs on TV leading premium projects instead of piss-poor B movies.
Two problems here: One, he made an American Western in 2003 and it was a mild success, so it’s not like he had to be corralled (GEDDIT?) to “be Kevin again.” Two, starring in an A&E miniseries (even a very successful one) doesn’t really count as being “on TV leading premium projects,” does it? Third, he is about to appear in the new “Superman” movie and the new Jack Ryan movies, things your site has reported on, so it’s not like he’s leading “piss-poor B movies” right now.
Little wonder why this pic has put Playtone’s Tom Hanks uppermost on the right-wing’s hit list. Now he can’t open a movie because of it.
This is another example of Finke taking some random bit of information — in this case, the fact that Tom Hanks produced “Game Change,” a movie that some conservatives disliked for its portrayal of Sarah Palin — and whipping it into an absurd, weird direction for no reason whatsoever.
First: Did most people know that Tom Hanks produced “Game Change” for HBO? No, of course not. Most people are not actually aware of when movie stars produce TV movies for HBO. Most people remain unaware, right at this very second, that Tom Hanks produced this movie, because most people didn’t watch the Emmys, and because — again — most people don’t know or don’t care.
BUT, also, “Game Change” premiered on HBO in March. The number of movies Tom Hanks has starred in since March? Zero. Zero movies. So if Hanks “can’t open a movie” because of “Game Change,” is that the retroactive explanation for “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” and “Larry Crowne” underperforming last year? Because I thought both were poorly-marketed movies that earned terrible reviews, a one-two punch that kept audiences away. Does it count that he voiced one of the main characters in “Toy Story 3″ two years ago and it had a huge opening? Or that he starred in the very successful “Angels & Demons” the year before that?
I’m beginning to suspect that Finke doesn’t actually give any thought to anything she writes, and instead she just vomits up something she thinks is cutting, witty or against-the-grain (at least when she isn’t being haphazardly angry or cruel to her competitors or anyone she thinks wronged her). I don’t know! This is just a theory! But I’m beginning to think that maybe — just maybe — Nikki Finke is not the foremost authority on anything other than whatever is rattling around inside Nikki Finke’s head.
BEST COMEDY: “MODERN FAMILY”
Another three-peat for this sitcom and the network and 20th TV. Everybody knew this would win again, and yet you watched the Emmys to the end anyway. I’m paid to sit through this torture. What’s your excuse?
Yes, because after you’ve churned out completely absurd, baseless or altogether ignorant commentary on the Emmys, the smart way to wrap the entire thing up is to insult your readers (supposedly the showbiz elite) (but not really) for sitting through the show.