Perhaps the worst thing about maturing from adolescence into some semblance of adulthood, besides a growing awareness of the inevitable senescence looming for each and every one of us at the end of this journey, is the belief that you’ve heard it all and seen it all and it won’t get any worse and then it does, it really does, astoundingly and gruesomely, because no matter how dark it is the dawn is always a little further away than you might think.
And so with that in mind we consider the recent trailer for Adam Sandler’s “Jack and Jill,” the upcoming Batak Massacre of a film starring Sandler in dual roles as the male lead and his twin sister. This set the bar so low you could damn well drill for oil down there, as the saying goes (is this a saying? This is not a saying, but this should be a saying), so when a report surfaced that Sandler was seeking to remake “Three Men and a Baby” with David Spade, Chris Rock and Rob Schneider as the three men (involved in polyamorous relationship, said wording obviously originating from Schneider in this case) there was almost no way to respond besides just shrugging and giving up and saying Yep, that’s about where we are nowadays, isn’t it?
Now, Disney has come out and denied it, but that doesn’t change the fact that this idea seemed the very definition of sadly, regrettably and astonishingly possible. We live in a world where this very thing could have come to fruition. I long for the simpler, idyllic days of childlike innocence, when the most interesting thing about “Three Men and a Baby” was that urban legend about the dead guy. Alas.