[Wherein I discuss Jodie Foster’s Golden Globes speech, tucked safely after the jump for anyone who is already tired of it.]
All awards shows are inherently meaningless affairs, but the Golden Globes stand out for being particularly vacuous, pointless and fraudulent. (Also, this.) Still, if they’re going to have the damn thing, and if they’re going to put it on television, and if it’s going to have some weird (and wholly unearned) impact on the Oscar race, at least Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will be hosting the show.
Remember the lawsuit filed against the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, alleging (among other things) that the organization basically accepted money and gifts in exchange for supporting certain movies? (I know, right? Shocked, shocked, etc.) Well, a different suit might actually cause the cancellation of next year’s Golden Globes, because the legal timetable wouldn’t allow them to find new producers or advertisers by next year. Not to worry! The HFPA says the ceremony will occur next January, because they won’t let a little thing like legal proceedings or widespread belief in the corrupt and disreputable nature of their awards process stymie them.
The Golden Globes were on Sunday night. The ceremony was largely dull and unentertaining, with the frontrunners winning and giving boring speeches after presenters ambled up and gave boring introductions. The one, single silver lining was Ricky Gervais’s performance as host. He was funny and mean and biting and occasionally cruel, which is basically exactly what you have to think they anticipated. So, of course, people in Hollywood are furious:
“Ricky will not be invited back to host the show next year, for sure. For sure any movie he makes he can forget about getting nominated. He humiliated the organization last night and went too far with several celebrities whose representatives have already called to complain.”
That’s from an anonymous member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, who actually said those words and expected them to be taken seriously. Let’s put aside the insinuation that any Gervais movie in the future won’t get nominated, no matter how good it is (even if it’s the Oscar frontrunner!), because quality doesn’t matter, even though the Golden Globes are totally and completely legitimate and, you know, duh. But let’s remember that “several celebrities” had their representatives call in to complain, because if you’re rich and famous and putting on expensive clothes and eating free food, you damn well don’t want somebody making a quick joke about you that will be forgotten in a matter of days.
The room was “palpably discomfited” by Gervais’s jokes. As you can see in the monologue below, Gervais committed the cardinal sin of going after low-hanging fruit. He was still funny, but he went for easy targets: Jokes about Charlie Sheen being a drunk, Cher being old and allegedly closeted Scientologists who are definitely not named Tom Cruise or John Travolta? Check, check and check. Jokes about how old Hugh Hefner is, and the unfortunate journey ahead for his new bride? Check and check.
For my money, his best (and, likely, most offensive) jokes were at the expense of “The Tourist.” The movie was awful. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp were awful in it. The fact that the film, and both stars, were nominated (in the COMEDY category) would have been a travesty if it weren’t for the fact that it’s the Golden Globes and, again, duh. (Also, this.) The movie was nominated so the stars would show up and look pretty for the cameras. I thought it was very telling that the cameras, which seemed to show Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt every 1.2 seconds, didn’t go anywhere near Jolie for a reaction shot during Gervais’s jokes about her movie. (They did show Depp.)
Gervais was funny. The ceremony is meaningless and was duller than usual. The only reason people are even still talking about it is because somebody famous did something slightly buzzworthy. In other words, it’s the only reason anyone ever discusses the Globes. That and to discuss the preposterousness and likely corruption involved in the stupid nominations, of course.
When this aired during Sunday night’s Golden Globes, my wife ran in from the other room to make sure I’d seen it. I don’t think is because of the adrenaline that comes from winning a high-profile award. I don’t think this is due to pregnancy hormones or whatever. I just think this is how future Oscar winners act when they know they’ve got it in the bag, and also when they are nominated for playing a nutbar. [via]
The Golden Globes will be handed out on Sunday. The awards ceremony is only worth watching for two reasons:
- Lots of drunk celebrities
- Ricky Gervais
That’s pretty much it, right? These awards are fairly meaningless, but it’s become one of those inexplicable things where they are treated as relevant because we think they are supposed to be treated as relevant. It’s kind of like how Kim Kardashian becomes famous for becoming famous, and she’s famous but nobody can really explicitly figure out why, but she is, so we discuss it, and therefore her fame only grows. Yes, the Golden Globes are the Kardashians of Oscar season awards ceremonies. But because they’re televised, and because lots of people want their bags of swag, this thing suddenly is a Big Important Predictor of the Oscars. Feh. Here are the nominees.
(As for predictions, it’s not really worth the time. But, in no particular order: “The King’s Speech” and Colin Firth and David Fincher and “The Kids Are All Right” and Natalie Portman and Annette Benning and Christian Bale and Melissa Leo or Amy Adams I suppose and Paul Giamatti and Aaron Sorkin and “Toy Story 3” and “Mad Men” and “Glee” [not that it should win, just that it will] and the rest, really, don’t matter as much. Enjoy the Gervaisishness.)
The full list of nominees after the jump:
How did “Burlesque” wind up with a Golden Globen nomination for Best Picture that was so egregious it outweighed the ones for “The Tourist” or “Alice in Wonderland,” again? Members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association “took a Sony-sponsored trip to Las Vegas to see Cher in concert, then gave her film a stunning best picture nod.” Ah, right. We’ll consider this “The Golden Globes Are Meaningless and Corrupt, Case File No. 197,272.” [Previously]
The Golden Globe nominations are out! And they are, you know, exactly what you should expect: A bunch of crap mixed in with a bunch of predictable stuff. The Globes, bestowed by the eternally sketchy Hollywood Foreign Press Association, are as meaningless as any other trophy handed down by any other awards ceremony. But they have an extra air of odiousness because, in addition to being a money-grubbing front for a small pack of “journalists” (if I could really translate air quotes to this post, I would be emphatically and sarcastically making air quotes right now) who worship at the altar of celebrity and reward fame and money more than anything else, these things are actually taken slightly seriously.
They’re not taken as gospel or anything, but getting the most nominations or winning trophies actually confers some amount of momentum as we trundle towards the Oscars. The Best Picture Oscar has gone to a film that won one of the two Best Picture categories at the Golden Globes in 15 of the last 23 years. Hell, why else would I be writing about this nonsense? We have to pretend these meaningless (and often perplexing) nominations and awards mean a goddamn thing.
Consider: “The King’s Speech” leads all films with seven nominations! “The Social Network” and “The Fighter” have six apiece! Rounding out the Best Picture – Drama category is “Black Swan” (four nods!) and “Inception” (four nods!). We have our main nominees! Except: “The Kids Are All Right,” sitting there in the in the Comedy/Musical category. And “True Grit,” completely ignored by the HFPA. So we don’t know much, except that some kind of ephemeral “momentum” will be assigned to “The King’s Speech.” (Though I will say that the Best Director nominees — Nolan, Fincher, Russell, Aronofsky and Hooper — are likely five-for-five. Ho-hum.)
I will note: Besides “The Kids Are All Right,” the four other films nominated for Best Picture – Comedy/Musical are “Alice in Wonderland,” “Burlesque,” “Red” and “The Tourist.” Forget about “Red” (actually a pretty fun, albeit lightweight, little flick) for a moment. Those other three range from being so-so to downright terrible. How in the hell is “The Tourist” a comedy/musical? How in the hell did Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie get nominated for Best Actor and Actress, respectively, for that? OH, that’s right, they are famous and the HFPA wants to get pictures taken with them. Also, there’s “Glee,” and I have nothing more to say about that.
Anyway, the complete list of nominations (via DH):